Billy knows
by I Have A Scarf - On My Head
Summary: Bella just can't cope after edward leaves. She breaks down to Charlie and everything comes out. Yes - everything. A few hours later she's sitting in a Psychiatrist office certain that she'll be considered certifiably crazy. Good bit of AU New Moon Angst
1. Prologue

**Authors Note : This here is my very first go at a fanfiction. It might take me a while between updates as I have a lot of things going on in my life. I can't say that you will like this story. I can't say that my writing will be impecable (because it won't) but I am going to give this my best shot.**

**I'd like to say thankyou to my beta's Megsly, Marykat and Sprinkledwithtwilight for picking me up on my mistakes and encouraging me to actually get round to writing. And I would like to thank my sister he's not married-he's canadian for letting me bounce all my silly little ideas off of her.  
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**Disclaimer: I own a very pretty top, I own a pack of roundtrees randoms, I own a hairbrush, I own shoes, I own a walking stick. But I do not own twilight or any of the twilight series to that end.**

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Prologue

_"You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

_"No."_

And then it began; the months of emptiness.

I did nothing.

From September to January there was nothing but the incessant waves of pain washing over me, holding me down. Not letting me resurface yet not letting me lose consciousness. I was stuck somewhere between my two worst nightmares, feeling nothing and feeling everything.

Time passes, it's inevitable nothing can stop time, and time – for most of us – is limited.


	2. Chapter 1 Catalyst

**Okay - so the end of this chapter hasn't been beta'd yet so it's likely to be changing, not massively but there may be some subtle differences.  
Once again, thankyou to my beta's **** Megsly, Marykat and Sprinkledwithtwilight****. And thankyou to my sister ****he's not married-he's canadian**** too. These people have to cope with me. Me in all my crazy temperemental half asleep rantings.  
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******Disclamer : I could say I own twilight but that might let the cat out of the bag that I'm Stephenie Meyer. So I'll do the opposite and convince you all that I own nothing.**

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Chapter 1.

A fist pounded down on the table in front of me. "That's it Bella!" A voice shouted, I looked up from my cereal, very little of which had actually entered my mouth in the whole time I had been sitting at the breakfast table.

As I had expected it was Charlie but the ferociousness in his voice took me by surprise; it was something I wasn't used to. Renee maybe, she was temperamental and prone to emotional outbursts but for Charlie? This wasn't normal; he was level headed and avoided emotion didn't he? Or had that changed but I had failed to notice.

"Bella I'm sending you home!"

I didn't understand.

"I am home" I heard my flustered voice reply not immediately realizing I had spoken.

"That's not what I meant Bella" Charlie sighed, his voice softened considerably. "You're going to Jacksonville. I'm sending you back to Renee."

"No!" My voice strained; I was all but screaming. "I'm not going"

"You're not the only one who's gone through something like this. When your mother left me," Charlie swallowed. "And she took you with her. Well, that was a pretty bad time for me. But I dealt with it Bella. You're not, nothing's changed. Not since the day he left." I opened my mouth to speak but he continued "Bella it's been four months! Four months and you've done nothing; you just stay here moping around!"

That was it, the last straw! I had not been moping. I'd avoided any form of moroseness! Everything that had been building up inside of me exploded out. I started screaming at Charlie. He was wrong! I wouldn't go anywhere.

"You know why I'm so attached to…" I couldn't bring myself to say his name "him?" I finished. Not giving Charlie time to answer I could feel everything coming bubbling up about to spill out. "I was in love. Not puppy love not an infatuation. Real true unchangeable love! And you know how I know? They told me their secret! They told me the very thing that could put their own lives in danger. They let me in on it." I paused to draw a breath. Charlie cut in.

"What are you talking about Bella?"

I laughed, no not a laugh or a giggle, it was a cackle.

"How can you be so blind Charlie? Even that idiotic Mike – bloody - Newton picked up on it a little! They were vampires!" struggling with their name I fought inwardly "The Cullens were vampires. All of them! Didn't you notice their eyes? All the same shade of amber though they're not biologically related? The amber that changed to black every few days or so! Their coldness! How they were always missing on sunny days apparently hiking! The bags under their eyes! How pale they were! Can't you add it up Charlie, can't you see?" I paused for a split second.

He stood there dumbfounded by my out burst. "Billy knows" I screamed "ask him about the cold ones! Ask him about the treaty with the Cullens! Ask him about their eyes! You know I'm right Charlie! You can't hide from it!" I stood shaking with rage and disappointment.

Disappointed with Charlie because he was so blind but disappointed with myself because I betrayed them. I told their secret. I shouldn't have done that. But they betrayed me too. He said he wouldn't leave me, he said he'd be there forever. He lied. We both broke our promises.

I stood for a while longer, processing my thoughts. Until Charlie pulled me out of it. He walked over to me and hugged me. Charlie – my emotionally retarded father – Charlie hugged me! I collapsed against him, only recognising the torrents of saltwater streaming down my face when the shirt I leaned into became wet through. I cried into Charlie's chest until I could no longer stand. He guided me towards the couch when I slumped against him.

It seemed everything about Charlie had changed today; first he shouts then hugs me. What was going on? Why was today different? What was it about today that meant nothing could be the same?

The norm was easy, comfortable – at least to some degree. There was no shock in what would come next. Today there was none of that familiarity. I heard a phrase mentioned once, in history I think, the catalyst for change. What was it that had caused this change?

It was me – it had to be me.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I could remember is hearing Charlie mumbling in the kitchen. After focusing very hard I could eventually make out some words. I heard a muffled cough and then he uttered the word "vampires" then a few moments later the word "delusions" and then "psychosis". How was this reasonable? I tell him the truth and he thinks I'm losing my grip on reality!

"Not fair! Not fair!" the voice screamed inside of me. I noted it but strained my ears to listen more.

"Yes, yes as soon as possible. I'll bring her by today. Once she's awake" Charlie sighed. "Thank you for this Dr. Aindréas. I will speak to you later"

* * *

The cruiser pulled up outside a professional looking building. Getting out I said nothing though I assumed that this must be the office of this Dr. Aindréas Charlie had spoken to. Of course he'd explained to me that he thought I needed help coping, but he spoke nothing of the phone call I overheard earlier.

I walked inside still silent trying my hardest to keep **them** and the coming confrontation from my mind. I tried to numb myself but it wouldn't work.

Nothing was working. I'd woken everything up inside my head. Everything was raw again, just like that first day. It was almost like the stitches I had put in myself to try and close the whole **they** had left had ripped open. But not just back to the original size. It was so much bigger now! It was all I could do not to curl up on the floor in order to keep myself together.

Once inside I stumbled towards a chair, my mind purely focused on staying upright. I would _not _collapse here in some doctor's waiting room. I curled up on the rather uncomfortable plastic chair and again tried to push myself back into the fog. Nothing happened. The gaping hole in my chest remained. I was vaguely aware Charlie had seated himself next to me at some point whilst I was in my ball.

I had no idea how long we were waiting. Clearing my mind of **them** meant clearing my mind of everything.

A voice sounded over the intercom system waking me from my semi-haze I didn't catch what it said but Charlie nudged me from my seat and pointed me in the direction I was to walk.

I stopped before the wooden door Charlie had motioned to. For a second I was mystified as to what he intended me to do with it. Should I open it? Remove it from its hinges and carry it away? Perhaps knock it down completely like Emm…

_No Bella, don't think of __**them,**__ you can't think of __**them**__._

What was I supposed to be doing do here?

_Knock it you stupid girl! Stop standing there like a fool and knock the damned door!_

Raising my fist lightly I tapped once and the door flew open. Before me stood a woman who – other than being obviously human – had nothing extraordinary about her appearance. Brown hair in a sensible cut, deep blue eyes and a friendly yet somewhat harassed smile.

"Isabella," she said smiling that smile it seems only doctors have "please - take a seat" her hand waved towards a comfortable arm chair towards the back of the room.

"Right Isabella, I should introduce myself, I am Dr. Aindréas, but please – call me Leslie. Dr. Aindréas is a bit of a mouthful I know." I nodded to her and she continued "Your father tells me you've been having trouble coping with…" she paused choosing her words "things. Would you like to talk to me about that?"

"Well for a start" I sighed "you can call me Bella." The starched formality of my full name came from a different time. It sounded like **him**.


	3. Chapter 2 Daggers

**_A/N _**_Well here's chapter two. It took a while to get here. But it is here you'll be glad (I hope) to know. I __could give you all sorts of excuses as to why it took me all this time, but I'm not going to. Because I'm sure you don't care. If you do want to know I can tell you. But I'm sure you don't. Right onwards and - well it's not upwards really is it so I can't say that (unless you're reading upside down - are you?) I shall settle for onwards and downwards!_

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_**_As always thankyou to my Betas - **Megsly** (check out **Horizons **and **Through Your Eyes**) **Marykat** (**Denstiny of Dreams** happens to be my favourite story of hers) And **SprinkledWithTwilight** (**That's Amore** is her current story but check out the completed ones too)_**_  
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**C****hapter 2. Daggers**

_**Previously**_

"_Well for a start" I sighed "you can call me Bella." The starched formality of my full name came from a different time. It sounded like __**him**__.  
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"Bella you must talk to me. We've spoken about your life in Phoenix, we've spoken about your relationship with Charlie but in all the time you've been coming to me we have never once spoken about the Cullens. Your father tells me there have been very few changes in your behaviours at home, the situation isn't improving and I see very little point in us meeting each week if just going to skirt around the reason you are here."

I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat not wanting to look the doctor in the eye. She had said **their** name. This meant there would be trouble. I pulled my legs towards me, not quite curling them around me but heading that way definitely.

"Bella, there is no way things will get better if you don't talk about this." I still said nothing, I just sat.

"You should know, Charlie has said that if this doesn't work, if your situation doesn't improve, you will be going back to phoenix."

I looked up sharply, I'm pretty sure she saw my panic. When I finally met her gaze it had not the condemning edge I'd expected but it was filled with concern. Quietly she spoke.

"Will you tell me?" I nodded back to her slowly. "Then start at the beginning"

* * *

As I spoke Leslie said nothing, she "hmm"ed and "awww"ed occasionally and there may have been a sniff somewhere towards the end. She just sat there and listened, jotting down notes on her pad whilst I told her my whole stupid story.

By the time I told her about **him** saving me from Tyler's truck I had already curled myself up. It took until the resturant in port angeles for the tears to come.

Even after I'd finished speaking she said nothing.

My sobs eventually died down. And still she said nothing.

I unfurled my arms and legs and left myself exposed to breaking up. And she didn't speak.

I pulled my hair from my face and looked up. But she didn't speak damn it.

I looked her in the eye once again waiting for her to speak. Expecting her to tell me what we both knew she thought.

I was crazy.

She didn't.

We sat looking at each other in silence for a time. Not an uncomfortable silence, but not a pleasant one either. Her eyes burned, searching my face for something; what I don't know. Mine, dead still looking nowhere in particular whilst I tried again to regain my numbness.

A sharp rap on the door disrupted us from what, to an outsider, probably looked like one of **their** silent conversations. Leslie snapped her head towards the sound and called for whoever had found a reason to disrupt our session to come in. The receptionist entered me an odd look that I had neither the mental energy or inclination to decipher.

"Excuse me Dr. Aindréas but I have to lock up soon" she stated with a hard glare "it's quarter to six I am only contracted to five and the building is supposed to be cleared by five thirty."

We had both obviously lost track of time. My session began at four. We had over run by nearly a full hour.

"Thank you Nina. I hadn't realised it was this late" Leslie began, "Give me ten minutes to finish this" she said motioning her hand towards me, "up and then we'll be out of your hair and you can go home."

The receptionist snorted. "Well – okay. Ten minutes." Then she turned to me and smiled sickly sweet her eyes still shooting daggers "oh and Bella, your father is waiting for you. There's only so much I can do to keep the man from dying of boredom." She turned and walked out of the room muttering something that sounded a lot like "or a heart attack".

Leslie turned to me smiling softly "I must apologise for Ms. Mallory she seems to think that the rules of etiquette don't apply to her." She paused for a moment, her expression sobered some "Bella regarding your treatment – I need to make few phone calls to a couple of colleagues of mine. There are some things I have to check over. I'm going to schedule you in for Friday at the same time. Is that okay?"

"That sounds fine" I nodded.

We stood up and she ushered me out of her office and into the waiting room where Nina stood hovering between my father and the door torn between her professional duties and her longing to leave.

I greeted Charlie with a small "Hi" and Dr. Aindréas walked forwards striking up a conversation with him as we left the building. The late January evening was particularly cold. I'd not paid attention to the weather forecast when I dressed that morning and so my clothing was though in no means skimpy was not thick enough to keep me warm. Taking the keys from Charlie I walked over to the cruiser thanking God that I had not come in my truck as the severe lack of heating would be a disadvantage.

I was still not driving my truck unless absolutely necessary, opting to walk or catch a lift with someone. I had even gone so far as to search through the garage for Renée's old push bike to avoid driving. I only rode it once as it was in poor condition to cope with Forks' slippy roads.

I pressed my hands against the heater warming them infinitesimally as I waited for Charlie to finish his wittering.

Eventually he opened the door to the cruiser still talking to Leslie. Though the winter wind whipped most of the conversation away I managed to catch her saying "can you call me tomorrow at about twelve o'clock? Then I can inform you fully." Charlie nodded, said something I couldn't hear, then smiled and climbed into the car.

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_**A/N right so. What did you think? Could you let me know? I'm going away for 8 days or so on friday camping and such so I shan't be writing in that time but a nice pile of reviews would be good to get back to.**_

_**Right then. Thankyou for reading. Toodlepip.  
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	4. Chapter 4 Wail

**So this chapter is a long time overdue and I apologise profusely for that. I have excuses but you probably don't want to hear them. If you do then ask. I'll be happen to answer. As yet it is unbeta'd so please forgive me my errors. I am only human and my brain doesn't work. A review would be nice if you could manage it, if not don't worry. Please, enjoy the chapter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twlight or any of the characters within the series any element taken from the series is the sole property of Ms. Stephenie Meyer. I do not claim any ownership over said dominion.**

**Billy Knows - Chapter three. Wail**

_**Previously**_

"_Can you call me tomorrow at about twelve o'clock? Then I can inform you fully."_

**Charlie POV**

"Charlie," Leslie greeted me with her warm professional smile "I'm so sorry we over ran so long. I had quite lost track of the time." As if only to illustrate this point she nodded towards Mrs Mallory who was standing next to the building's only unlocked door with the keys in hand and a sour look on her face. "We should probably move this outside before my receptionist locks us in" she laughed.

Bella shivered under the evening's brisk wind as she politely took the cruiser keys from me and excused herself from the conversation. I watched her get into the car before I spoke "I realise that because of the whole patient doctor confidentiality thing you can't tell me much but how are things going in there?"

She paused for a moment.

"It's not good Charlie. What she's said is very troubling"

"Did she tell you what she thinks _they_ are? I mean the Cullens. Bella doesn't like it when I say their name"

"Yes. She did. I'm concerned by it; but we don't need to worry, not just yet. I need to talk to some of my colleagues; I have to run a few things by them."

I nodded.

"The thing is," she sighed "and I shouldn't really be telling you this now but I think it's necessary that you're made aware, I think we may have to transfer legal consent regarding Bella's medical treatment to someone else. You are the obvious choice as her next of kin but the paperwork is complex and this is no place to go through it. For one thing I am freezing!" She laughed half heartedly. "We do need to talk this through properly."

"Yes, it seems we do. How do you suggest we go about it? I mean I don't want to bring this to Bella's attention before we need to" This whole thing had suddenly got very messy. Because well, if Bella knew about this then I'm not sure what she'd do.

I opened the door to the cruiser knowing that Bella wouldn't hear our conversation over the howling wind and stood waiting for Leslie to say her final piece before I could climb in.

"Yes, certainly; I was going to suggest that we keep this quiet for now anyway. Can you call me, tomorrow, about twelve o'clock? Then I can inform you fully about what needs to be done."

"Right well, I'll speak to you tomorrow then." I said climbing into the vehicle. Leslie smiled and walked to her car. I watched her climb in before driving away Bella sitting beside me, subdued in the way which had become almost natural to us.

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11:58 AM, two minutes, I can call her in two minutes. Surely two minutes wouldn't make a difference. She wouldn't mind if I was two minutes early would she? What if she still had a patient? Fed up out of my mind with waiting I punched the number into the telephone, it rang twice.

"Hello?" Leslie's voice rang through with an anxious edge.

"Dr Aindréas, it's Charlie. I know I've rang a little early, I hope you're not too busy."

"No Charlie, now is fine. As you know, I needed to confer with a few colleagues regarding your daughter's treatment and more specifically transferring medical power of attorney to you. However, we have concluded that Isabella should currently be able to make decisions regarding her own treatment herself. This means that we cannot transfer anything to you without Isabella's permission. We could ask her to voluntarily give up control of her treatment but I'm not sure how she will feel about that," she paused for breath "in the few cases I've dealt with it hasn't gone down too well. It can often damage the relationship between patient and psychiatrist let alone the relationship of a parent and child."

"Oh, well thank you doctor, I'll see you when I bring Bella on Friday" I said a little disheartened.

"Charlie, I hadn't finished!" Leslie admonished "There is another alternative we could present to Isabella that tends to get a slightly better reaction, particularly with the younger patients such as your daughter. This would be in the form of a non-legally binding contract stating that she gives you permission to access her notes and be informed of what happens in our sessions at any time. We also usually like to stipulate that any decisions made by the patient regarding treatment must be discussed with their parent, or whoever happens to be the other person holding the agreement. The difference in this is that Isabella keeps her sense of freedom as you do not have to agree to her choices, there will just need to be proof that a full discussion has taken place. How does that sound?"

"I think Bella would prefer that doctor, but I'd still like to keep the option of full transfer open just as an alternative."

"Of course Charlie, in a case like this we keep it under constant review anyway. Now, I have to get some paperwork done before lunch. I'll see you on Friday, Isabella and I will have our normal session and then I'll call you through and we'll get this contract sorted."

"Okay, thank you doctor. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Charlie." Leslie said politely and I heard a click as she placed the receiver in it's cradle. It had to be a positive that they didn't think we needed to do a full transfer of medical rights but I couldn't help feeling a little uneasy about it. Bella is fragile, we all knew that, I think even that stupid Cullen boy knew that, I didn't want to risk upsetting her, pushing her back to where she was in December. No, that couldn't happen, everyone knows they have to be careful. I don't want to hurt her.

* * *

I woke up to a constant stream of thoughts worrying about my little girl; no different to any other day except that today would be the day some of my fears may be realised. Today was more likely to bring these fears into reality than most.

_Friday, today we make the decision over Bella's treatment. Today I'll find out if my little Bells will hate me for trying to help her. Today Bells might get understand how worried I am about her. Today could break her._

Our appointment with Doctor Aindréas was at three. All day I worried. I couldn't focus on my work. Luckily it was a slow day and I did nothing but paperwork. As always it was mind numbingly boring but just about engaging enough so I could lose myself a little in it.

Time passed slowly but eventually it was two-thirty, so I left to pick up Bella. She stayed home from school as she always does when she has an appointment with Leslie. She gets so wound up and anxious about her visits that going to school would do her no good. Instead she brings work home to do so she can make up the work she misses. In all this my little Bella has never dropped a grade, her diligence in this pays of, I sure she can get healthy again, she can put the effort in with school she can do it with her health too if she really tries!

Bella climbed into the cruiser around two minutes after I pulled onto the driveway. She did so without comment or incident. Her actions hardly helped quell my fears about her mental state. The worst would be her becoming catatonic again, I couldn't let that happen.

Leslie did not keep us waiting to go into our session; we entered her room at three pm on the dot. After a short exchange of pleasantries between myself and the Doctor, Leslie turned to Bella and began to broach the difficult subject that had had me on tender hooks this past week. There was no explosion as Leslie spoke. Bella just sat there, not responding I couldn't even tell if she had heard anything Dr Aindréas had said until Leslie finished speaking and asked Bella for her response. She simply nodded. Nothing more than that, just a nod. In truth this worried me more than any amount of screaming or shouting could. Leslie pressed Bella for a more useful answer but none came.

Leslie looked at me "Charlie would you mind leaving us for a moment so as I can speak to Bella in private?"

"Sure," I replied unsure of what this would achieve, I added "let me know if you need me for anything." and slipped quietly out of the room. I sat in the reception of the doctor's office and had an awkwardly intense conversation with Nina Mallory about what hair products suit her best while all the time she was close to me so that we were almost touching.

After a while I heard a shout, more accurately described as a wail, and then the sound of a door slamming. Bella rounded the corner shortly afterwards running towards the door of the office. I followed.


End file.
